Is the secret to life a good email?
This is a thesis.
Way beneath every step you’ve ever taken and every step you will take is this thing called mycelium. Long threads of fungi that grow one cell at a time, branching and re-branching, growing in every direction. They even grow three-dimensionally. Here’s my little drawing:
Most people associate mycelium with mushrooms, but that is a big misunderstanding. Every day this stuff grows, from one little node to many, forming massive links all over the earth that allow trees to communicate. It is literally the largest network of any kind in the world.
In many ways, we are very similar to mycelium.
We need the right conditions to survive and a constant flow of oxygen. We need to communicate to grow.
We need to connect to live.
A good connection is how quickly your world can change when you meet the right person.
There is nothing like this feeling.
Finding meaningful connections is like some sort of heroes journey for me.
I struggle to understand why this feeling moves me so much, but there is just nothing else like it. From being so immersed in a conversation that you leave a changed person to getting a job through a friend of a friend.
These precious, golden moments. Sometimes it feels like fate, like we were just in the right place at the right time, sometimes like years in the making.
When I started reaching out, my idea was simple. Increase the probability that I’ll experience these golden moments.
An experiment.
If I reach out to one person every day for 100 days, I’m likely to make at least a few really really good connections. I had a lot of successful moments and a lot of failed attempts.
After, what is now, over 500 days later, I’ve learned a deep truth about how to make a very meaningful connection through a good email. Is this the secret to life? I cannot say for sure, but I believe it’s on the short list. What I do know is that a good email is the best risk return decision you can make any day.
BECAUSE life literally is about who you know— dream jobs and careers, deep romances and friendships, great ideas and stories, all started with one person bold and curious enough to reach out to another.
And just like mycelium, the concept of networking—true networking—is also misunderstood.
People hate networking. You’re probably one of them.
Even the sound of the word repels the smartest and most creative among us. You hear it and think, well that isn’t for me. Networking feels icky and so boring. It is something that a gel-haired sales bro does to fool people into buying what they’re selling. Not me.
It’s transactional. It feels daunting and unnatural. Plus, imagine mustering up the courage to connect with a person you admire only to never hear back. No no, this is why it’s best to tether ourselves to the notion that networking is not for us.
Except the downside of turning your head to what you think networking is is you’re missing out on one of the greatest opportunities we have in life: To do it well.
Everyone is trying to over-engineer this thing, but it is actually pretty simple.
Because there are very few people who are networking, even fewer are networking well.
I present you with the opportunity to be one of the few. One of the scrappy. One of the curious. One of the brave who decide that networking isn’t defined by the amorphous icky feelings. No, networking is for the dreamers, the alt-comedy lovers, the artists, the introverts– for the misunderstood.
Networking is for those who want to find their people, but don’t know how or where to look for them. For those who want real, genuine connections.
The ones that form and spread great ideas, that build businesses, make music. Connections that let you find the back door and land opportunities you never would’ve otherwise. Connections that plant the right seeds for your future.
Genuine connections are among the few things that shape us.
Connections are like mycelium. It covers the entire earth making it possible for everything to grow.
But WHO and also HOW?
Here are 7 magic steps to making your first 27 connections:
Reach out to people you admire.
Email people who have your dream job in one year, three years, 10 years, 20 years. Reach out to authors, TV show creators, founders, people who you resonate with, who are responsible for making the things you love.Connect with the people who spend their time in rooms you want to be in.
Ask yourself, who made that thing? Reach out to them.
Be interested in people.
Be curious. Learn what you can about them.Listen to their podcasts, read their interviews. Try and understand what they love or want.
Be as specific as possible. Try to send a message only you could send and only they could receive.
Pay attention. As
says, “the only thing in this life we have control over is where we put our attention.”Know what your goal is. Know what you want and ask for it.
Try and view your self in collaboration with others rather than in competition with them. If this is uncomfortable and you face rejection, it means you’re doing it right.As
says, “this is my life, and it didn’t just happen to me by accident—I worked hard to create it that way!”Show up to give, not to take.
Be there in service of other people’s work rather than your own.Share gratitude. Say thank you and be earnest in this… Instead of gratitude lists that never make it out of your notebook, share these things directly!!
Tell people why their work resonates with you. Don’t tell them you’re a fan, tell them what line in which essay moved you.
As
loves to say, “real networking is about finding ways to make other people more successful. It's about working hard to give more than you get.”Be honest. Be as honest and authentic as you can…
This is how you find your people faster.
Sharing your insecurities or vulnerabilities will remove barriers and make it easier to relate. You don’t have to
As
says, “This is the most valuable skill in the world: knowing yourself and knowing your needs.”Follow up… remember things about people. Remember the people who are just so fantastic that you can’t let them out of your life.
Re-connect, even once a year is enough.
says, “most relationships don’t die in a big blow out they starve to death because we don’t invest in them.”
AsBe like mycelium. Start small.
Just one node, one person at a time. Try not to overcomplicate it.
The more shots you take the more likely you are to make one. The more likely you are to get what you want, to meet a person who proves you wrong, who helps you learn. The more likely you are to find something truly life changing.
Networking is misunderstood, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be the most important engine for self discovery, growth, and connection in your life.
As
says,“both things are true- I can live inside my own anxieties more often than I would like AND still be a person who can reach out to someone. One does not negate the other.”
Lovely and wise advice carly, I only wish I knew and did reach out to people earlier in my life, my social network graph would've been very different.
Recently, i've let random "synchronicity" take course in my life and it took me to surprising ends (https://bryanspassionpath.substack.com/publish/posts/detail/144666849?referrer=%2Fpublish%2Fposts)
Serendipity can be super charged by your reach out concept!
Love this take on genuine connections! So true that they're like the mycelium of our lives, branching out and nourishing everything. Absolutely important to grow in life, both professional or personal!