"No one gets anywhere alone"

The Net, a series, with Caroline Cala Donofrio

Welcome to The Net, a series, an interview collection where we can learn about how good omens, connections, and networking have enhanced the lives of the most interesting and creative among us. 

Today’s guest is very special because she is the very first one. Caroline is a writer who lives in Brooklyn. She has worked as a book editor and celebrity ghostwriter, was an editor at Cup of Jo and has written essays featured in The Cut, Elle, The Washington Post, Refinery29, and The Zoe Report. She is also the author of one of my favorite substacks,

Between a Rock and a Card Place

.

Thank you Caroline for giving us a little piece of your fascinating, gorgeous brain. And for inspiring the title of this series.

Meet

Caroline Cala Donofrio

, in her own words:

What does connection mean to you?

Connection is kind of everything. It can take many different forms and look many  different ways. In the best cases, connection is being seen, being heard, being understood, being appreciated. It’s how we relate to one another, how we learn, how we find our way. This is true career-wise, but also in a deeper sense. 

When I hear the word connection, I picture constellations in the sky. You have all these points that seem like they're individual and disparate. But the connections between them allow them to join together and create something else entirely, something that's greater than themselves. No one gets anywhere alone. 

How do you feel about the word networking?

My feelings about that word have definitely changed over the years. I used to see it, not as a dirty word per se, but it wasn't something I was eager to do on purpose. It immediately conjured images of name tags, meetups, and people circling a room, making small talk and shamelessly trying to get things from one another. But that judgment is like if someone tried speed dating, had a bad experience, and then concluded, ‘I don't like relationships.’ I now know networking can take so many forms, and we can approach it in ways that feel authentic to us.

These days, when I think of networking, I focus more on the ‘net’ part of the word. It’s about weaving this web of connection, like a trapeze net. It can lift us up, it can offer support, it can catch us when we need it. It's buoyant. It reminds us we’re part of a larger whole. It can offer us safety when we leap. 

How has networking impacted your career?

In every way possible. I am a person who started off with no connections whatsoever to writing or publishing, and I didn't really consider it to be a viable job or career path. It wasn't until I saw people doing it, in real time, and connected with some of those people, that it became something I believed in and wanted to pursue. In a very high level way, I think connection made it feel possible. 

I’ve been happily surprised by situations where networking has led to friendships or where friendships have led to creative or professional endeavors. There doesn't have to be a hard line between them.

Throughout my career, I’ve been fortunate to collect this wonderful cast of characters. And not just the expected people, like colleagues, but really random glimmers that in the moment don't seem like they're going to lead to anything, but then some idea or magic or synergy comes from it. You never know where things will lead.

Networking can be scary because you have to ask for what you want. Do you find it difficult to ask for what you want?

It very much depends on what I want, and who I'm asking. It used to be nearly impossible. I worried that people would say no, and I felt shameful about the things I wanted, particularly in a career sense, so I often wouldn’t pursue them. 

With time, I’ve learned that asking is my responsibility. No one is going to give you what you want unless you voice it. I now see it less as going out on a limb and more as extending a possibility. If someone is interested, that's excellent. And if they’re not, fine. There's really no harm in trying, because the worst thing that happens is someone doesn't share your vision and you move on. 

As I’ve gotten older, a newfound sense of urgency has crept in. I used to procrastinate a lot because it felt like time was this limitless thing. It now feels scarier to me to not ask than it does to ask, because what am I waiting for? Why not me? Why not try? Why not see what comes of it? 

What are you reading that you are desperate to recommend?

The poet

Andrea Gibson

has a Substack called

Things That Don't Suck

and it is phenomenal. I think it should be required reading for anyone in human form. It is by turns wise and touching and moving. Every post is a gift. 

Describe a connection you've made that feels like a good omen.

In a way, all connections feel like a good omen. Those things are almost synonymous to me. In recent days, I’ve been heartened by so many of the connections I’ve made on substack. Collaborations have turned into friendships, and conversations have led to surprising and wonderful places. 

Jane Radcliffe

immediately comes to mind. We collaborated maybe a year ago and it blossomed into a close friendship. It feels like finding a kindred spirit.

A good omen might be a feeling of synchronicity or serendipity, what people often refer to as a sign. It might be when you’re not sure what the next step is, and then you feel that little whisper or hunch of intuition. It might be a feeling of encouragement. 

Oftentimes, I think the best omens are the sparks that resonate within us, that other people wouldn't pick up on or recognize. It feels similar to good luck, except we have more of a handle on it, because it’s less about chance than our own awareness. If we’re open, and we’re receptive, it can bring meaning into our lives.