009. Unwinding your neurosis
How to get out of a little slump and do the stuff you know is good for you
Hi from the airport I wrote this on a plane where instead of feeling uncomfortable by the fact that the person diagonally behind me was reading my shitty first draft I imagined that they loved this good omen so much it moved them to tears and they became a paid subscriber immediately. Also they texted all their friends, thanks to Delta’s great in-flight wifi, about it and they all became subscribers too.
I’ll get right to it. Lately I’ve been getting stuck in the brain function I’ve heard referred to as “little me.” This is basically where the obsession with personal triumphs, dissatisfaction, and comparison reigns and you become anchored by your own neurosis.
You could call it a little slump.
If this resonates, you know that this can manifest into little fears that keep you from doing things you know deep down are good for you. Fear that you don’t know enough, fear of what someone will think, fear of losing confidence or momentum or time, fear that feels random, like it has nothing to do with anything.
These little fears rise up in me more frequently than I’d like to admit. I am afraid of disappointing myself. I am afraid of disappointing others. I am frightened by sharing intimate thoughts (like right now in this good omen) and being rejected. Fear rises up when I feel like I have missed an opportunity I won’t ever have again. When I think about that girl from high school. When I am forced to face the unknown. It comes when I feel unable to express something important. It comes up, strangely, the morning before I travel.
First, like a vague feeling of uneasiness. Then, the decision to use that feeling as an indication to run away and distract myself or to stay and face the music.
Networking is like this. Something thats actually not scary at all when you break it down, but uncomfortable in an amorphous way that makes you crave a distraction. Something you know deep down is a good idea until you come up against the difficult emotions that arrive with putting yourself out there.
But difficult emotions are a useful teacher. I try not to run away from them. I’m trying to unwind my neurosis, not create more. If I don’t pay attention to the details, fear—even the little ones—can hijack my attention and distort reality. But if I really take a look into the fear, see all of the amorphous details for what they really are, it will always dissipate.
The fog that passes might reveal a truth that has been there the whole time, like remembering that if the fear of being rejected or ignored stops you from reaching out, you’ve already rejected and ignored yourself by not having tried in the first place.
They say the devil is in the details, but I disagree. The details are our pathway to the light of a clear blue morning. To doing a brave thing like communicating something vulnerable, shooting our shot, and putting ourselves out there. The details are the way to face both our fears, our neurosis, our feeling of lost-ness, AND the worthwhile exploration of our hopes and dreams. The details are the way to shake off that little slump you’re in and take up the space in your own life you deserve to take up! Sheesh!
“But difficult emotions are a useful teacher. I try not to run away from them.” 👉🏽 I recently read somewhere—can’t remember where—that emotions and feelings are feedback. Instead of letting them control us, we can simply observe what they’re telling us and use that information to move forward as a better-informed individual. I think it’s a good strategy, even though it seems like a tough one at first glance. Thanks for sharing in this post!