How to Write an Unignorable Email
Standing out amidst the crushing overwhelm of the modern inbox
Every single second we’re alive, there are four babies born, 100 strikes of lightning, and 3 million emails sent.
By the time you finish reading this sentence, 13,393,302 emails were sent.
Which means every single day, ~390 billion emails are whizzing and whooshing around. When you remove the scams, trash, order confirmations, security alerts, and sales campaigns, only 7% are personal, one-to-one emails. This is still a scary number, but comparatively less.
The unfortunate news is that’s not taking into account messages being sent via LinkedIn, X, IG, Substack, text, whatsapp, slack, etc.
When you send off an email or DM, it flies wildly through a metal tunnel taking sharp twists and turns, until it thumps down into someone’s inbox, wheezing in relief to have finally landed. The relief is short lived when it realizes it has landed on top of a large pile of other emails, all rolling their eyes at the sight of it. And just when it registers where it is, it gets slammed in the mouth by the next email flying in.
Receiving an email or DM is not typically pleasant. Most people open up their inbox primed to be inundated by absolute garbage. Your eyes glaze over, disconnected and tired from the amount of slop and stuff trying to get you to buy or do something.
The average “successful professional” with some level of visibility is receiving anywhere from 420-1000 messages per day. Let’s say a founder of a successful company lands in the 700 range. Removing spam, slop, internal work, etc, let’s say 49 of those messages are real humans reaching out for various reasons.
Out of those 49, let’s say that 40 of them just aren’t relevant or good. Those will most likely be ignored. Though probably well intentioned, many people are actually pretty bad at sending emails / dms. This isn’t from a lack of intelligence, but a lack of observation and creativity. Most people are simply not giving their messages the care they very much deserve.
That means out of the nine actually good emails said “successful founder” is receiving, there may be a single one, or two, that stands out from the rest. An email so good, it is unignorable.
I’ve been studying what makes an email unignorable for years. I’ve reached out to hundreds and hundreds of people, tracking my response, rejection, and ghost rates. I’ve played it very safe and I’ve sent moonshot messages, and everything in between. My range is impressive.
Through lots of experimentation, I’ve realized that we’ve been taught a specific set of rules around our communication that encourages us to play small and fit in.
It is through actively breaking those rules that I’ve found incredible jobs, collaborations, partnerships, and mentors. This framework has taken me through career pivots from theatre, to tech, to starting my own business. There is nothing more miraculous than the way a really good email can change your life. And the beauty is, the deeper I go into this work, the more I seem to find.
We are completely overwhelmed with 93% garbage, which leaves a glaring opportunity for those of us willing to break the rules and stand out from the crowd.
The art of writing an unignorable email:
First, you must understand what your intention is. To do that complete this sentence. When people meet me I’d like for them to feel _________________.
Here is an example… This one is mine. You can steal it, but only if you subscribe.
I like to imagine someone finding my email like a diamond in the rough… thinking in their head, “huh. I don’t get many emails like this one.”
Once you have that, you’re already approaching the blank page with 10x the amount of thought that most people ever dream of. This step is more important than you think. Once you have it, you can move onto technique.
A litmus test for writing an unignorable email.
01. Specific
Specificity separates you AND the recipient from the rest.
The worst kind of email that is sure to be ignored is one that feels templatized, by which I mean, so general it could both come from and be sent to many different people just by changing a few words… The way to cut through the noise is to send an email so specific it could only come from you and only be sent to them.
Lack of specificity reads like laziness. Most people don’t take this seriously enough. Even when you think you’re being specific, assume you could always, always go deeper. If you’re reaching out to a writer you love, don’t just tell them you love their work, tell them which specific line in which specific essay moved you. Tell them a memory it brought up.
Tell them something only you could tell them.
02. Generous
Your unignorable email should be generous in the same way that a breath of fresh air is generous. Generosity causes us all to pause.
To do this, aim to show up in service of other people’s work rather than your own. This could be as simple as sending a very specific compliment, or an article that made you think of them. Even the most successful people are still longing to be understood, and showing up to give, rather than to take, is one of the best ways to try and understand someone.
Specific and generous often go together, especially when you’re reaching out to someone you admire.
Example of a message I haven’t sent yet.
Let’s say I wanted to tell Cate Hall how much I love her writing. Assuming Cate is the kind of person who gets lots of inbound messages on a variety of platforms, I’d consider what would make my message feel most like a good omen.
03. Honest
The truth resonates more than anything else in this world. If you take nothing else, take this.
Honesty is the basis of every great piece of art, and every beautiful relationship. It is the single fastest way to build trust and cut through the noise and find something real.
To be truly honest in something like a professional email seems radical, and yet it is probably the most important thing we can do to experience the outcomes we desire. Some great ways to tap into honesty:
Write about how you feel in the moment of sending the email. There is nothing I love more than sending a scary email to someone and being like, “I’m scared to send this.”
Share things that reveal you do not have all the answers. It’s unbelievably freeing to say, “I really don’t know that much about X topic, but I’m learning.”
Write about what you’re struggling with. It can be so meaningful to send a professional email and genuinely ask for help.
If you hate networking, you will love this. This is anti-networking. Professional networking advice will advise against this. Professional networking would have you perform competency at all costs. This is boring and fake and ignorable. I don’t trust someone who has it all together and neither do you.
One time I reached out to the founder of a company I admired and said, “I’m not qualified for [X specific part] of this role yet, but to do it well, I know I’ll need [Y specific skill], of which I am overflowing with.” I got the job. If you are pivoting to a new industry, this is the way in.
It is completely disarming for the recipient to see someone express finally the self doubt we literally all feel. To be unignorable, be really real.
04. Relevant
Your email shoots to the top of the unignorable scale when there is relevant value for the recipient. When asking for an opportunity, job, partnership, etc, aim to elevate the work they’re currently doing, right now.
There may be obvious value you can provide, like expertise or an opportunity, but that’s just skimming the surface. Lots of people choose not to reach out because they believe they don’t have anything relevant to share. This is an understandable but convenient excuse. And most of the time, it’s inaccurate. You’d be surprised at how relevant something as simple as your perspective and feedback can be.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s okay for you to benefit from an outcome that comes from meeting someone. Just don’t stop there. Transactional is a feeling we curl away from at all costs, but if the transaction actually benefits both parties, well that is the same thing as a collaboration. Usually, when we are asking someone for something, we forget to think about the value we can provide if this person were to say yes.
Example of a message I have sent.
I posted this a few weeks ago, and to my surprise and delight, it quickly became the most popular thing I’ve ever shared.
I found the info email for the company that makes this delightful product so that I could share the good news and thank them for making something so loved.
Asking can create so much mutual joy and momentum for everyone involved. You won’t always know what is relevant, but you can only take your best guess. Plus, if it isn’t relevant, they will say no. That’s it.
Example of a message I haven’t sent yet.
I really want to ask Cate if I can interview her about her take on networking. I think this might be relevant given she has a book is coming out soon, but I also have no idea if this is something she’d be interested in spending time doing.
How about I put it all together in case she sees this. Attn: Cate Hall.
Being unignorable, more than anything else, is about raising the bar for yourself, which is deeply uncomfortable. This stings in the short term, but probably does more for you in the long term than you can imagine.
As AI starts to write more and more of the emails whizzing and whooshing around, the more important it becomes to learn how to be undeniably human, which means breaking the rules and making our own.
10 other important reminders & rules worth breaking
Skip small talk at all costs. “Hope you’re well” is a waste of prime email capital.
If it feels natural to you, leave your “justs” and “sorrys” and other apologetic language in there.
It’s okay to send an email with no ask at all.
You are not bothering anyone and the story you’re telling yourself about being an inconvenience is sabotaging your life.
Brevity is beautiful, of course, but an unignorable email cares not about length, only about quality.
Remove the professional veneer coating your communication. Experiment with writing the way you text your best friend.
You don’t need to “keep your network warm” just for the sake of it. It’s completely natural to lose touch with someone and then follow up with them five years later. Don’t stress.
Don’t wait for the “right moment” to reach out. There is no right moment, except right now.
If it feels more natural to speak instead of write, try something funky like send a video or voice memo.
“Best” is the mustard paint of email sign-offs. Lose it forever.
Writing an unignorable email is a skill like any other. A skill you can become excellent at through using this framework, and through repetition. You may not be instantly good at it, but don’t let that deter you. The more you do it, the better you will become, and the more your luck will open up.
Goings on:
I’m teaching a free workshop, going deeper into everything you just read tomorrow (834 people are coming whoa). You should come it’s going to be wild!
Reach Out Party, my anti-networking mastermind, officially has one single spot left. 🥹 If you want it, you can apply here. Time is of the essence!
Anti-Networking X The Sublime is coming to Miami on March 23. It is probably one of the most beautiful locations I’ve ever seen, which is fitting given the beauty of my co-hosts.
lol happy to talk
This post has helped me rewire everything that's been drilled into me about email writing - I'm pivoting from a career in tech sales and trying to make it in retail / marketing, and tech email writing is a driest thing on earth. Got my first reply from a CEO with your advice and I would never get replies like this when I was getting PAID to write emails!
"Wanted to let you know though, your email is very impressive. I don’t often read though cold call emails, but yours is great."
LOVE!