“It only takes one person to open the right door."
A conversation with the one and only Lindsey Stanberry
Welcome to The Net, an interview collection where we can learn about how connections, networking, and good omens have enhanced the lives of the most interesting and creative among us.
Today’s guest was the founding editor of Refinery29 Money Diaries, has been writing about women and money for over a decade, and is currently studying to become a certified financial planner.
She is also the creator of one of my absolute favorite publications,
. It is SO GOOD— wildly refreshing, detailed and honest.Lindsey is also one of those people who just seems extremely wise about everything. I wish I could’ve spent the whole day asking her opinion on everything…
Meet
, in her own words:What does connection mean to you?
I'm fundamentally a shy person. Learning how to reach out and connect with people I didn't know wasn't an easy thing for me.
I was laid off from my job at Martha Stewart, and I went about 6 months without finding a new one until I finally realized that nobody was going to tap me on the shoulder. If I was going to get anywhere with my career, I was going to have to start raising my hand and asking for help. I started reaching out to anybody I could find, cold emailing, making random introductions in the effort to find a job.
A lot of it went nowhere. But it was good for me to build mental competence so that eventually when I did get to interview rounds, I was able to better explain who I was and what I did—which you never stop having to do, by the way.
It only takes one person to open the right door. Connection, in order to be successful, has to be authentic and has to be a two way street… Often that looks like being open to helping people.
After working so hard to build your network, how do you nurture it?
Since I was at Refinery29, building my network has become one of the things that I'm most proud of and something that I care a lot about. I don't think that I would be here doing this and have the confidence to launch my own thing without the amazing network around me. It’s really important to show up, as much as you can.
I think the thing that I struggle with now is that I get a lot of people reaching out to me and wanting to connect, and I wish I had more time. It's really hard running a small business on top of a freelance job on top of being a wife and a mother and a friend and then also finding time to make and maintain connections.
These days I’m trying to figure out how to best manage that while not missing out on opportunities to meet new people. I just have to accept that it's just kind of a juggling act, like everything else in life.
When people do reach out to you, what are some of the things that stand out in those messages that make you want to take the chance on connecting?
It's great when people know my work and know what they're looking for.
Oftentimes people ask for something from me, but it’s great when people have something to offer—another introduction, an idea for something that I could be doing, some sort of feedback. Things like that are extremely refreshing and really lovely to hear.
I would also say, it's really important to network with your peers and build a community of your peers. That is really who you interact with the most. One of the luckiest things that happened to me was landing at Refinery because I got to work with the most incredible group of women. A lot of them were assistants or junior writers or interns that I've stayed in touch with over the years.
People think they need to network with the most successful people, but honestly, you kind of just need to figure out who around you does good work and stay in touch with them so you can grow together. It’s a long game.
Do you find it difficult to figure out what you want and ask for it?
I think that it is so hard to know what you want. I'm still trying to figure that out. And honestly it’s hard to network when you’re in this state because everyone is lost in their own way, right? Even those who appear to be most successful are just sort of going through life trying to understand what's next and not screw it all up.
We are all led to believe that we shouldn't be asking for things, but when you know what you want and you ask for it, it makes it easier on the person that you're asking to help you.
As much as I would love to believe that somebody is sitting around thinking about me for opportunities, that is not how life works. You have to make your own opportunities, speak up for yourself, and ask for what you need. People are typically happy to help, and if they’re not, then you can decide maybe that is not the right person for your network anyway. It’s a win-win.
Also, our careers are really long. We're going to do lots of different things. Like, this doesn't have to be the thing that's the be all and end all. I really try to believe that, it's the karma of the universe and if it's supposed to be, it's going to work out just right.
How has networking played a role in The Purse’s growth since you launched?
Last spring, I wrote a business proposal for The Purse, and community has always been a key part of what I was envisioning.
I sent my first newsletter to my entire network, roughly 200 email addresses. Now, we’re just shy of 10,000 subscribers, and the engagement is really beyond my wildest dreams. Networking is a huge reason behind this growth.
I've talked to so many women over the last decade about their finances, and I've really seen everything. Giving women a place where they can feel comfortable talking about these things is so empowering and it's exciting and I love it. That's what I'm trying to do here.
I feel like I have this circle that keeps going out wider and wider, and I feel really lucky to be at the center of it. To feel like we're doing good, important work and supporting within.
What is one thing that you've read that you are desperate to recommend?
’s book The Myth of the Nice Girl. Fran is the ultimate connector… I really look up to her, and she has been a particularly important person in my life, making really meaningful introductions along the way. Her book is about how important your reputation is and it left a huge impact on me.Lastly, what is a good omen?
There's a feeling I get when I meet someone. It's like, oh, we're gonna do really cool stuff together. In many ways, it’s the combination of unexpected inspiration. I think that when the universe puts those people in your path, and you just know– this is a person who's going to be significant. That is a really good omen.