It was you the whole time
Some interesting findings inside the brain of a woman 6 weeks postpartum
I have lots of questions and one of them is why trucks?
I don’t know anyone who wants their son to grow up to be a construction worker so why are all of the baby boys I know wearing truck stuff? Boys=trucks seems weird, no? I’m not offended by this but I’m just not interested in trucks, Matt isn’t interested in trucks, and Jonah is a baby so why do we get so many truck-related gifts? What if I want to dress up my baby as an artist or a doctor or a venture capitalist?
Two new theories I have about reaching out
Being likable is overrated. Its like trying to do small talk— fine but mostly boring and forgettable. To reach out is to risk. There needs to be some danger in it, something unusual, but not in a performative way. It has to be honest. Something so honest it elicits a reaction from the recipient like, “huh I don’t get many emails like this one.” I’d rather be judged for being completely myself than be forgettable.
If you’re reaching out to people who are pretty well known, remember that, like you, they are also desperate to be understood. All great art is art that sees you. Emails are the same.
It was you the whole time little Jimmy Carter
I like you more than I thought I would. I knew I’d love you because I loved you before I met you, but I like you a lot. I am your mother and you are my child and this is a fact about our lives now… You and I, me and you, we will always have our lore.
I was sure the feeling of happy disbelief would become more rare as I got older and then I met you.
And yes, sometimes another life haunts me in my dreams with all the things I haven’t done. But then I see your face and in your face I see my face except different.
I feel like I’m starting life all over again, but this time I get to live through the years I don’t remember.
We went to the hospital the day Jimmy Carter died and so we think probably his soul charged up while I was in labor and floated right into your little body before you came out. This is how reincarnation works, of course.
Giving birth to you was insane.
Definitely the most dangerous and hardcore thing I’ve ever done.
But still, the anticipation was more intense than the actual birth— like waiting in the wings. Just offstage is the scariest place to be. The isolating moments before the show is about to start seem to last forever, charged with all the possibilities of what could go wrong.
I used to pinch my wrists and take slow, deep, throaty breaths to slow the heartbeat throbbing in my head. Just buying time until facing the moment, going on stage, and letting it all float away.
Once the IV went in my wrist it became so inevitable that all the fear went away and somehow I knew exactly what to do.
Primal.
It’s crazy what I’d do (and buy) to feel like myself again
The fog is lifting. I know deep down that my hormones are responsible for this, but actually consumerism makes a very strong argument.
Skincare:
Ok this is big. Whole new skincare routine. I’ve been following
Working out:
The Sculpt Society has a postpartum program that I do while Jonah is in a bouncer and it is so good.
A good pair of jeans:
Did not expect my postpartum body to feel as confusing as it does. I don’t fit into my pre-baby Levis, and I think it might be a long time before I do, but wearing my maternity jeans makes me feel gross. These Good American jeans are incredible… Very stretchy but still jean-like. But expensive. Here is a good dupe.
Learning from other parents I admire:
Recommended fiction:
It’s great when someone who has good taste tells you, not everyone, just you, specifically that you’d like a book—especially a fiction book. I’m reading Piranesi and it is very beautiful.
TikTok recipes:
air fryer salmon, sauteed spinach, steak tacos, chia pudding, smashed broccoli, protein balls.
A single phone call:
I cannot express how life-giving it is to have an electric conversation. This is true anytime, but especially now. Looking at you
Rewatching good shows:
Girls, Nathan For You, It’s Always Sunny, Fleabag. Also the music from Girls is quietly sooo good… here’s a playlist.
I love him so much I can’t imagine life without him so I keep telling people they should have a baby on accident a la Whoops I’m pregnant.
Matt tells me I should probably stop doing that?
What can I say.. I birthed you, and know exactly what you’re talking about. Thanks for being so honest, funny and smart; it makes me look so good:))) seriously, just keep doing you
omg ccongratssssssss hes a cutie !!
ok i will also just say that our son did actually love trucks and opened my eyes to how fucking cool they are. especially garbage trucks. as a human species we should all be more floored by trucks