Making Decisions

this is a good omen🪐

I struggle with decision making. I want it to be easy like other adults make it seem.

A few weeks ago I came up against an epic sized career decision that immobilized me. I had three fantastic opportunities to choose from, and while I must acknowledge what a privileged position this is to be in, each day I delayed in making a decision, the looming anxiety in my belly took over.

Not that career decisions are the be-all, end-all, but sometimes it feels that way. Being ambitious means setting goals you’re not sure you can meet, diving into opportunities that are brand new, and being tense a lot of the time.Making hard decisions expose you in a vulnerable and childlike and uncomfortable way.

I’ve been paranoid my whole life. Even now when I really have nothing to lose I can’t shake my fear. Feels like it would be easier to just binge The Staircase and not deal with it, but alas.

First I tried dreaming restlessly, making pro and con lists, mind maps, and pre mortems. Then I tried talking to too many people with too many opinions.

Decision making is a lot like loneliness in that it comes from being unable to communicate things that seem important. No matter how much I frantically foist my stress onto the people around me, they won’t be able to decide.
The antidote is, quite simply, to pay more attention.

Ultimately, choosing is just a matter of figuring out, like, how do I honor the best thing inside me? How do I see the world clearly enough to figure out how to express it? Most of the time it’s hard to say. But I have these moments of clarity that are born of the long pursuit, all the time silently watching. Those are the thoughts that matter. I try to take them seriously.

Thank you for reading. More on the outcome of this decision and my excitement for it next week. 🪐👀

ALSO, we’re thinking about running a shortened Reach Out Party 🎉 in August — one week, summer camp themed, tons of fun, lots of cool people to network with etc. Would you be into this? If yes, please like and/or comment on this very post.👇
(If not, we will press charges.)