Put yourself in a position to be where no one else is
Accepting the risk of making connections with Seth Werkheiser
Right when I met Seth, I knew I would love him. He has a warmth about him, he is always wearing a beanie, and he pauses to think before he speaks, which feels rare.
Alex Dobrenko` connected us so I knew he was going to be weird and curious and wise. What I did not know was that his voice would sound so shockingly like Steve Carell’s that I would debate whether or not to bring it up or to let it go for the whole interview. This is irrelevant, but feels important somehow.
This is part of an interview collection about intentionally growing your network. How making meaningful connections becomes a good omen and enhances the lives of successful people among us who have chosen paths less traveled.
This is Seth and he’s been writing on the internet since I was 6 years old. He has worked with incredible Grammy award winning artists and is the founder of SOCIAL MEDIA ESCAPE CLUB which is exactly what it sounds like.
This interview is more like a conversation that has been edited for your palate.
I am in bold and Seth is in not bold. Meet Seth Werkheiser in his own words:
What is a good omen?
Hmm. I think a good omen is when you don't know if something is gonna work out, and then it does.
I do trail running, and like, I'm a maniac sometimes. I will go out in the rain and wind and snow and sometimes I am the only car in the parking lot. I get this feeling, like, this could all go sideways. This could all end badly. But I'm elated, and I love it. Like it's not, it's not a fear. It's more just an aliveness.
I think a good omen is just putting yourself into a position to be in these vulnerable situations, or knowing you’re there when no one else is.
Yeah it’s like you have no choice but to be present. I get a similar feeling when I wake up super early and the house is quiet and I feel like I have time to just, be awake and still. Not that it’s as vulnerable in the same way at all, but it’s an opportunity to lift your head above the chaos. That always feels like such a good omen.
What does it feel like when you make a connection?
A good connection feels like time not existing. Or just kind of slips. When I’m connecting with someone there is zero desire to pick up my phone or think about all the things I have to do later. A good connection feels like not being in a rush for once. I think it’s supposed to feel rare.
Do you actively seek out those kinds of connections?
I do, in some ways, seek it out, but it can be uncomfortable putting yourself out there. I think it’s been a journey over the past year and a half or so, realizing on the other side of the discomfort, there is so much growth.
Like, I want to throw myself into more of those situations and those conversations. Messaging someone, sending that email, there's a risk to it. Like I said, it could go sideways.
But I think now I just accept the risk and try to let go perfection or that it has to go a certain way. Most of the time it always leads to good stuff. It’s just about doing it over and over again.
Yeah, I feel like there's something in the repetition that's so interesting. When I first started reaching out, it was just out of a desperation to make it in an industry where I didn’t know anyone.
And then, like any practice, it's really hard and then it gets easier, and then you end up learning that the hard part was actually so important to get you to the place you are now.
I didn't realize at first, obviously, but every reach out I’ve sent, is just contributing to one whole big lesson about how cool it can be to connect to the right people.
Real networking is not transactional. It's just building a foundation for something that we might not even know is around the corner. How do you think about networking now, in this season of your life?
Right now? I don’t think about it often enough. I could say the excuse is bandwidth. There's enough going on right now, but thats really probably a limiting belief. There's a nice momentum right now in my networking or new people popping up so I'm super intrigued. What if I did reach out to some people? What could happen if I went a little further outside of my comfort zone? It’s only been really the last few years that SOCIAL MEDIA ESCAPE CLUB has really taken off.
I'm super aware of it, but I don’t exactly know who I should be reaching out to, what I want, or what I’m seeking from it I guess.
I think it’s so natural to fluctuate and understand when we are purposefully putting ourselves out there to connect and when we are purposefully retreating and just maintaining or nurturing connections we already have.
But there is something always really nice about just having even 3% of your current self on the lookout for your future self. One of my favorite ways to do networking with strangers is just to kind of keep, a little antenna out: who's doing cool shit that I like. Great when it’s related to what I’m doing but even if it’s totally not, it’s worth an email just to say, “hey I love what you’re doing, here’s why it resonates with me, and keep going.”
That's networking, you know? But people don't think that it's networking.
Who knows, maybe in six months or a year, or five years, like, you'll be able to follow up with that person again for some specific reason. It’s one of my favorite things to do.
That does solidify this idea that, like, I love watching so many of these nerdy, crazy people doing the things that they do.
There are these ultra runners. Theres this guy would do like, 50 or 60 or 70 miles a day, running the same two blocks, walk back, do it again. It was, it was thrilling. I mean boring but thrilling.
Yeah, I should just write them and just be like, you know, that's some cool shit. They're not only doing the thing, but then taking the time to put themselves out there.
Ok this a perfect example. Like this would never come across my desk. But thats cool! Like you have a specific knowledge and passion for this that is already rare. Now, out of the people who also love watching these videos, probably, 1% are reaching out right? It's all a numbers game.
So true. I did reach out to a photographer not too long ago who started was making YouTube videos. He was talking about his newsletter that he wanted to restart. I eventually emailed him and was like, hey, I'll help you get your email going again. And we did, and that led to work with him, and through other people, which was so cool.
Thats awesome. Do you find that it’s difficult for you to ask for what you want? Was it at any point in your career?
I started a music blog for AOL music in 2008 and that led to a lot of really cool connections with some really cool people. I used to play in a Christian metal band, and now one of my biggest clients is one of the people I played shows with way back then. So crazy and amazing.
I’ve always been really good at keeping in touch throughout the years so thankfully when it came to asking for opportunities it never really felt like asking because I had built such great relationships. And when you build great relationships you are just able to be yourself.
There’s a great quote I love that basically goes, “Those who can ask without shame are viewing themselves in collaboration with—rather than in competition with—the world.”
Now here goes the speed round
When people reach out to you, what is one thing you hate and one thing you love?
I love when people read stuff I’ve written and share that feedback.
One thing I hate is when it looks like it's just a template they’ve copy and pasted before. Or when it's like five paragraphs.
You write a lot of emails. What is one thing you always do that might surprise people when writing?
I'm usually write my best stuff when I’m angry. If I’m too casual or peaceful, I know I haven’t found my voice yet.
What is one thing you believe is true that most people think is untrue?
Oh, that you don't have to be on social media. You can still be successful without feeding the machine, letting it affect your mental health, compare and despair, being on several different platforms, making videos here and doing this there.
When we deplete ourselves doing that, our work and our lives suffer greatly. Instead of losing track of time on social media, do other things that make you lose track of time, like reading, being around people, being outside.
Tim McFarlane, an artist in Philadelphia, wrote recently that time is non refundable. You can't get that back. But if you lose yourself for three hours practicing your guitar. You do that enough times, you're gonna be pretty good.
I love that so much. Such a good hot take. Okay, what is the biggest tactical piece of advice for anyone trying to do something worthwhile or meaningful with their lives?
Just starting and doing the thing, not researching it, not reading more books, not watching more YouTube videos, is just start doing the thing. Start acting as if.
When I writing my newsletter I sucked at it for a long time. 10th one was better. 100th was better than that. And it's not linear. If you just keep doing it over and over again, learning a little bit as you go, be open to change, be receptive to feedback or vibes. Be willing to accept that maybe the way you started it might not be the way you have to continue it.
What gets you to keep going, even when you're in the slog?
I think it's other people. Talk to other people about it. Talk to the people that are trying to do the same things. Keep each other company.
I love doing these interviews, like really love them. Next one comes in a few weeks with the one and only Jason Chatfield.
We all have so much to learn from people who have found success through making meaningful connections. If there is someone on here you’re curious about, please let me know who I should interview next! 🫶
This is a really cool interview. I learned a lot both from you and Seth. It's really from you that I've started realizing how reach outs can be so important, not just for work / opportunities but meeting people who make your life more colorful and interesting.
Carly, I love this!! I've also gotten to know Seth a bit, through Alex. Such a good guy. I publish regular Q&A's with [b]old women. I love your "speed round" at the end; I might steal that!