A few months ago I got a very panic-y email from a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She’d just finished writing her book and was hit with the realization that most people who create things face: making your thing and sharing your thing are two completely different skill sets, and no one is coming to do the second part for you.
We started working together to build a focused strategy to get her book out into the world, and to the right people, all through reaching out.
Laura Rubin is an author, and the founder of Allswell Creative. Her book, The Big Unlock, is about her approach to journaling in the digital age, how to get the most out of it, and how to use your creativity to live fully and authentically. It comes out today.
A few weeks ago we sat down for a chat about what this process has been like and I literally cannot believe the night and day difference between the Laura of three months ago and the Laura of now… I’d love to believe it’s all my life changing coaching, but the truth is, this is what can happen to anyone when they put the work into identifying the right people, clearly defining what they want, and asking generously, even, and especially when, it is uncomfortable.
Here are some things from our conversation that I’m still thinking about.
You are not bothering people. You are inviting them to participate.
When you’re doing cool things, sharing it with the right people is actually a gift to them.
This is a huge paradigm shift. When I met Laura, she was stuck, feeling like every reach out was a burden she was placing on someone. And the reframe that changed everything was this: you’re not asking for a favor. You’re giving people the opportunity to be part of something. They might want to, for their own reasons. That is a completely different energy.
The people closest to you probably don’t know what you’re doing
Sometimes you’re too close to the thing to see the opportunities that are right under your nose. Halfway through this experiment, Laura realized her best friend didn’t event know what her book was about. You cannot expect someone to help you if you don’t let them in.
Sometimes the first step isn’t reaching out to strangers. It’s just sharing with the people who already love you and giving them the chance to help.
Asking for what you want: the combination of specific & general
Leaving room for people to surprise you can open doors you didn’t even know were there.
Laura started structuring her emails with one highly specific ask and one highly general one. For example: “Would you write a digital blurb for my book?” paired with “I’d also welcome the opportunity to partner with you if you have other stuff going on.” Some people activated the first. Some activated the second. Some said yes to both. You just never know!
What if promoting your work didn’t have to destroy you?
There’s this prevailing belief that you have to grind yourself into the ground to promote something. Through our practice together, Laura has been asking questions like, “What if at the end of my book tour, I’m in better health, better shape, I have more vitality than when I started?” I’ll have to check in with her after the tour, but I really love the idea of being intentional about protecting your energy when you’re putting yourself out there in such a visible way.
This is actually so major.
Reaching out is a creative practice
This is what we kept coming back to. When we started together, marketing her book was something separate from the creative work or writing, something she had to do in addition to making things. But what she’s found is that the reaching out, the collaborating, the connecting with people around her book has taught her as much about herself as writing it did. The sharing became the creative act.
The Microdose Method: 4x4x4
For anyone intimidated by journaling, here is something you can try: Four minutes at a time. Four times a week. For four consecutive weeks.
Don’t make it precious or perfect. If you hit four minutes and want to keep going, keep going. You’re building muscle memory for a dialogue with yourself on the page. I’ve been trying this and it actually is kind of amazing how much I’ve gotten out of the practice in just a few weeks.
Bring curiosity, not your self-worth
Laura’s advice for reaching out: bring a spirit of adventure and exploration. Be curious about where it’s going to go. And stop connecting the outcome to your worth. When you make a reach out about whether you are good enough, it becomes heavy and high-stakes. When you make it about seeing what happens, it becomes an adventure.
I am beyond proud to call Laura a friend and pinch myself all the time that I get to work with such creative geniuses. I never advertise coaching, but I do offer limited sessions for those looking to launch something big or who want to be really intentional about the next chapter of their lives.
The Big Unlock is OFFICIALLY available for purchase.
