The thing with these quick, dead-simple action lists is that they do work (well, some of them), but here’s the catch: the people capable of executing them aren’t the ones reading or following the people sharing them.
These are basically “lists of advice for people who don’t need that advice.”
Throwing a map at someone who’s still learning to walk and expecting them to navigate the world is not only a waste of time but also a burden on those just stepping out of their comfort zones. Empathy is key when transmitting knowledge, at least, if your goal is to help someone grow and not just cash in on their expectations.
I've tried to follow your outreach advice in the past, and always find it 100x more tricky and than I expect it to be: Which of these two emails is correct? How do I phrase this message without looking needy? Did I really just say "Kristin" instead of "Kristen"?!?! Ugh.
This is a long way of saying that this post was super reassuring! And PS: I had a good belly laugh at "but since I’m used to feeling shitty on instagram, I continue to follow him" 😆
Honestly you're probably so spot on haha. The fact that they make me cringe so much means theres probably just a better, more fun, non-serious way of approaching it. Q for you... what kind of networking-adjacent list would you want to read?
Thanks. I tried your daily outreach habit for 30 days. Made it to day 2 😔
Was too painful. "Do I really have to find a new person everyday?" "I'd have to craft a nice, custom, well-researched message. That'll take 2 hours. Too much work. Too difficult."
And then when I send a message, I get anxious about their response. "Will it be perceived well?"
Hey Leo! First of all, congrats on making it to day 2... I know it doesn't feel like much, but it's a start and it's definitely worth celebrating. If you're interested in continuing here's what I'd offer:
1. You don't have to reach out every day to make it worth it. If that feels impossible, try one reach out per week and try and make it a fun ritual. You might find the person throughout the week and sit down to write a message over a hot cup of coffee on a Sunday morning or whenever you have dedicated time to slow down and think.
2. Worrying about how you'll be perceived is probably the most human thing ever so know that you are not alone. After years of consistent reach outs, these insecurities still pop into my head all the time. What helps me is 1) knowing that I've already been rejected, in a sense, by not sending the reach out in the first place. And 2) I can only control what I put out into the world, not what I get back from it. If I can look at an email and know that I was earnest, generous, and thoughtful, I can be proud to have sent it, no matter the response.
3. Lastly, to further validate, reaching out is painful- it takes a lot of mental strength and practice, but like anything else, it's a skill that strengthens over time. If you keep at it, it will 100% change your life for the better.
Great post! I just accidentally attended a networking event (was only intending to do some work in a coworking space). You're so right that the real challenges are always emotional.
The thing with these quick, dead-simple action lists is that they do work (well, some of them), but here’s the catch: the people capable of executing them aren’t the ones reading or following the people sharing them.
These are basically “lists of advice for people who don’t need that advice.”
Throwing a map at someone who’s still learning to walk and expecting them to navigate the world is not only a waste of time but also a burden on those just stepping out of their comfort zones. Empathy is key when transmitting knowledge, at least, if your goal is to help someone grow and not just cash in on their expectations.
Omg I hadn't even thought about it like that whoa so well said.
Just sent a reach out today -- it's amazing how effortless it is when you're *actually* excited and it's not forced.
Absolutely I love that. Immediately turns your day around 😊❤️
I've tried to follow your outreach advice in the past, and always find it 100x more tricky and than I expect it to be: Which of these two emails is correct? How do I phrase this message without looking needy? Did I really just say "Kristin" instead of "Kristen"?!?! Ugh.
This is a long way of saying that this post was super reassuring! And PS: I had a good belly laugh at "but since I’m used to feeling shitty on instagram, I continue to follow him" 😆
Carly, you should totally write some of those lists! How could you make it fun and non serious? It sounds like a fertile area of creative exploration
Honestly you're probably so spot on haha. The fact that they make me cringe so much means theres probably just a better, more fun, non-serious way of approaching it. Q for you... what kind of networking-adjacent list would you want to read?
Thanks. I tried your daily outreach habit for 30 days. Made it to day 2 😔
Was too painful. "Do I really have to find a new person everyday?" "I'd have to craft a nice, custom, well-researched message. That'll take 2 hours. Too much work. Too difficult."
And then when I send a message, I get anxious about their response. "Will it be perceived well?"
How do I get past these mental blocks? Any tips?
I love your mission and message 🔥
Hey Leo! First of all, congrats on making it to day 2... I know it doesn't feel like much, but it's a start and it's definitely worth celebrating. If you're interested in continuing here's what I'd offer:
1. You don't have to reach out every day to make it worth it. If that feels impossible, try one reach out per week and try and make it a fun ritual. You might find the person throughout the week and sit down to write a message over a hot cup of coffee on a Sunday morning or whenever you have dedicated time to slow down and think.
2. Worrying about how you'll be perceived is probably the most human thing ever so know that you are not alone. After years of consistent reach outs, these insecurities still pop into my head all the time. What helps me is 1) knowing that I've already been rejected, in a sense, by not sending the reach out in the first place. And 2) I can only control what I put out into the world, not what I get back from it. If I can look at an email and know that I was earnest, generous, and thoughtful, I can be proud to have sent it, no matter the response.
3. Lastly, to further validate, reaching out is painful- it takes a lot of mental strength and practice, but like anything else, it's a skill that strengthens over time. If you keep at it, it will 100% change your life for the better.
Hope this is helpful! Cheering you on. 💛
So helpful. Thanks, Carly!
Great post! I just accidentally attended a networking event (was only intending to do some work in a coworking space). You're so right that the real challenges are always emotional.
What a timely reminder!